when things work

I went into the GNC store right at 11am. Mr Hawks was waiting. He was in his early 50’s, a bit laid back. Very nice. He started asking me questions and I asked him what he wanted. The proper interview from my resume or would he like to talk to me? He said “Please, let’s be real.” So I was. We talked about the job, the expectations, the dress code, unemployment, minimum wage, herbs, surviving, etc. He pulled out the schedule with my name on it already, and I had an anxiety attack. Complete with nausea, hot flash, dizzyness, blurred vision and heart palps. I asked for a chair. It was overwhelming to hear a yes after 2.5 yrs of unemployment. I hadn’t eaten and I am sure I wasn’t breathing. I almost cried too. He was worried but he hired me anyway. I am now a very part time employee of GNC. The hours are very limited with 25-30 being the max unless someone calls from another store needing help. I need money for a pair of slacks and a couple of tee shirts. My boots will do. I’m gonna have to hit my daughter up for a bit of money before Monday, when I start!

I came home and took a nap – really I stripped and collapsed on the bed and crashed. I was very shakey. My sweet neice with 3 small children sent me a note asking if she could send me $50. Of course I told her no – but for her to even offer just warmed my heart. AND, there was another email in my Facebook mailbox from one of the trivia hosts we play with. He asked me if he’d seen right about me cleaning houses. He’s lost his ‘girl.’ He was paying her $100, twice a month, she picked the days, to clean his apartment and he wanted to know if I wanted the job. I told him ABSOLUTELY!

I think we are going to eek out a survival. I will work 14 hrs next week, and, clean Bobby’s apartment. It’s not much, but it means I can feed my cats, buy toilet paper, tampons, pizza rolls and gas. Last night we played trivia at a new place and were suprised at the end because the management paid $30 for first place. We won of course. It was gas money to the interview. Sunday, Steve will play in a tournament and they have a great shot at winning.

I used to say I want my life back. But reality is, life has just gone on differently. We may be America’s new poor, but with a little help from friends and family, I think we can make it. I almost lost hope there for a while. I almost gave up on my husband, my marriage; I almost ran away. NOT the answer.

You have to dig in and take it moment by moment.


About Morning Knits

I believe in and practice positive living. I love YARN, music, bird watching, history, gemstones, and gardening. I am passionate about the Earth. I am a true homebody. I've said I was Pagan for years to separate myself from a churchy upbringing and judgmental family that left me outside of its bounds. I believe it's our responsibility to tend and protect the Earth. I basically do my thing in a quiet, amused way. I believe in the power of my own hands, the energy of combined prayer, and caring for the earth. I attend a Kingdom focused non denominational Christian Church. I have 6 kids, all home-born and successfully breastfed. The oldest 5 are grown. The youngest is attending Community College and living at home. I'm the oldest of 9, daughter of a missionary mother who lives in Kenya, married to the son of a preacher, with 4 spoiled dogs and and a rescued kitten. Right now, there is small balance after yrs of unemployment. My disability was approved due to degenerative discs, fibromyalgia, and obesity. That last is hard to say. I believe we owe it to ourselves to protect our mental health. It's precious and the one thing we can control. I dislike my own housework and I talk too much. I bought a house in North Carolina and after trying to get my husband here for 6 months, he had a stroke. I'm a two-time caregiver. Steve's got hemiparesis and depression and is learning to walk and trying to use his right side again. It's slow go.
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One Response to when things work

  1. Kathy says:

    My heart is grateful with you. The waves flooded in but you stayed present in your life. You are gracious and strong.
    Much love Amber.

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