Last night, Steve and I played trivia and ate dinner using house cash. Afterwards, we stood out in the parkinglot and talked for 2 hours. About 2 am (we were still yapping) we were approached by a drunk black man who came up saying “don’t be afraid of me.” He wanted to talk to. He was almost staggering. Steve asked where he lived and he pointed to a blanket under a tree across the street. I could believe it. He told us he’d been celebrating his birthday, and went on about how much he loved the guys, hugging each of them in turn. I love you man – I really love you. I’m so glad you are here. I hate being alone. I was overcome with this big sadness for him. He really didn’t say much to me except to call me m’am. He got around to asking for a few dollars for some breakfast – there WAS a Waffle House right up the street. Steve gave him $5 of our $15 gas money which was OUR last money in the world. We told him to enjoy his breakfast.
This morning, Steve got up thinking how the man probably spent it on drink and said he shouldn’t have given it to him. Our friend Danny gave the man $2 as well, so we all knew he COULD eat. I told Steve even if he wasted it, I hope we are never so closed fisted as to put $5 over a PERSON. Steve left a few minutes ago to go to his brother’s house – he’ll come home with $100 dollars tonight. We won’t miss the $5. Who knows if the man ate? I hope so.
I walked my scraggly garden this morning – picked a squash, a bunch of green beans, 3 okra, 2 cucumbers, and made note of 7 decent sized tomatoes that will be ready in a couple of days. We don’t get much sun so our produce is lacking, but the plants sure look pretty.
Yesterday I made my daughter a necklace for her birthday and worked on a pink crochet blanket for her baby that’s due in February. It might not be a girl, but she wants a girl, so the first blanket is for HER. When I got up this morning the phone and Internet were shut off. V had forgotten to pay the phone bill. We caught it in the window where they could restore service without charging a reconnect fee. If I didn’t pay the phone right then, there would be a reconnect and deposit fee to deal with. So I took the money out of our precious house payment that we’d scrimped for and gotten together to pay TODAY (it’s late tomorrow) and paid the phone bill instead so V wouldn’t be worried with any extra money on our account. I had to text her and ask if she could put the $58.16 back in my account so I could make the house pmt. I cried as I texted her. She simply texted back “yes.” She never calls anymore. I know it’s because she’s stressed and busy and pregnant and carrying my family, plus her sisters, her father, her brother…what is there to say? She’s too busy to talk. I know she’d be upset to know I cried AGAIN and she doesn’t want me to feel guilty – but I do.
Life is so freaking unbalanced these days. The dog is out of duck tenders and we don’t have the money to buy more (yes my mind flashed to the $5). Jackie doesn’t understand. I’d like to buy some stones for the Etsy Store. I need supplies – no money. Everything is about something I hate with a passion. MONEY. Without it, you can’t live. With it, you live for everyone else. The governor of GA wants to replace our state’s illegal immigrant workers with people on probation. This could affect Kansas when he gets out later this year. A man died at the prison yesterday and my son spent 6 hrs in handcuffs for no reason except the roommate didn’t say where he was was going when he left the cell. He was shoved, cut, humiliated – his school books and papers strewen all over. He might have cried, but anger is different from fear. I hope that guard understands there is karma even for how prisoners are treated. I digress again…
Nothing really moves forward right now. WE, me, my loved ones, those I bump into on the street – all seem to be in a holding pattern. Things are not able to move forward yet. The balance is elusive.
The moon is eclipsing – We will have a fire tonight. I have work to do –
My alter is a table by the fire ring.
My cloth is Violet –
A plate of Earth – face the North
my stones – amazonite, aventurine, bloodstone, calcite, emerald, hematite, malachite, peridot, ruby, tiger’s eye, topaz, and tourquoise
My knotting cord – 5 cords for Earth, water, fire, air, spirit –
gold, green, orange, purple, violet colors chosen for what I want.
By knot of ONE, the spell’s begun
By knot of TWO, it cometh true
By knot of THREE, so mote it be
By knot of FOUR, this power I store
By knot of FIVE, the spell’s alive
By knot of SIX, this spell I fix
By knot of SEVEN, events I’ll leaven
By knot of EIGHT, it will be Fate
By knot of NINE, what’s done is mine
offering/food – almonds, blackberries, cashews, strawberries, orange slices, pineapple, rice, We will offer to the Goddess, taste each item.
spices – black pepper, clove, nutmeg, sprinkled on the food with intent.
my herbal powder – basil, cinnamon, ginger, dill, honeysuckle, lemon balm, sage, cedar, patchouli and yarrow, saffron, blended with motar and pestal. Offered to all the gods and goddesses and all directions.
Great Mother Goddess,
My need is great
My heart is true,
The future success of all I do
I lay before you to bless and guide
with my husband at my side.
We are not seperate, we act as one,
In our lives and in this business.
I ask you Grandmother
in faith and love
Fulfill our needs
and help us see,
the path to walk that honors Thee.
Into this soil passed through my hand
My intent I do command.
Make it last,
Make it strong,
From Earth to me where it belongs.
Success, money, clarity
This is my will.
So Mote it be.