My daughter called last night because they found my blog online and it upset them. They didn’t like reading about the grocery situation. they don’t want me to cry. They want everything to get better. I understand.
But telling a parent you can’t help, is telling a parent you can’t help. They stop asking for it. I tried to be as gentle as I could be when I was explaining that when you miss the deadline for someone’s expenses, the partial money is nice, still appreciated, still needed – but the deadline passed and things are screwed. At that point, it’s not the same as if it came before the deadline . . . even though you mean it to be.
My daughter wanted to make up a grocery care package and I told her no. she is barely feeding her own and making her payments and they have a baby. I told her we have a cleaning job today and will spend what we make on food. The EBT card refills on Sunday. It will be hard to make it to Sunday but we’ll figure it out. We raised the house payment for August, but now it’s September and the bank wants two or none – the forclosure dance looms again.
I understand they think we should move because there is no work around Atlanta for us, but I still hold loosing this house is gonna move us into crisis mode like they never realized was possible. No money is no money. If we can’t pay the payment here, we can’t pay rent someplace else. At least here, we are safe and not in immediate danger of the most poverty striken areas. No drive by shootings, no drug dangers at the street corners, no rapes or muggings. I have a son I need to protect. He has a school that knows him and understands his differences. Putting him out of the only home he knows is not good. I left my older kids with their father yrs ago to keep them from facing the same upheaval. I couldn’t support myself and them, then, either. It broke my heart. Still they don’t understand. It took so long to find our way back to each other from that time. I can’t let Geoffrey go. Choosing not to help to make us change plans knots my chest to think of. It feels unkind. I wish I could see it differently. Not helping because you can’t – that’s different. It doesn’t manipulate what we will experience. None of this is cut and dried – if we can hold on, ride this out, we can have choices again. If we let go, we are in a whorlpool place with no control. Saying it though, is like banging my head against a wall. No one understands.
I’m writing this because my friends think I should keep a record and write a book. When I write it, my kids don’t like it. I’m so sorry it makes people uncomfortable. I’m sorry I don’t let the problem stay faceless. My gods, there are millions of people in this country going through the same thing. Many are already living in their cars. I’m praying we can save enough to not have to resort to living in the Jimmy. I pray we don’t have to put our cats down.
I’m simply praying.
I know how long this has gone on.
I know how uncomfortable it makes those watching.
I know how uncomfortable it makes those who love us.
I hope it messes with the politics in this country ENOUGH that someone figures out answers – something besides putting us to work as road builders. I can’t do that kind of manual labor. Half the people I meet today are cleaning houses. HA! If they are lucky.
I can knit till I have mounds of socks and gloves and scarves and shawls – I can bead till I have boxes full of necklaces and earings – but no one is buying. Small business’s grass roots can’t take hold.
The country has become stagnant in so many ways. Can I make enough noise? Will they tune me out forever? Or will someone listen?
If you aren’t going to listen – I want to at least cause your discomfort. You can look away – but we both know there was an instant where you saw me and I caused you discomfort.
For two years President Obama pushed Health Care. That hurt me everytime I heard the words. Now that he wants re-election, he pushes jobs – that’s bullshit. If he’d pushed jobs from the beginning, and butted heads with Republicans, THEY would be answering to the people even if things continue to fall apart. NOW, voters can see that no one is gonna fix things. You can’t regulate this away. You can’t write a bill or force an ammendment, or undo an ammendment. Raising taxes scares people – not raising taxes scares people. Oh yes, there will be change. How it comes? Your guess is as good as mine . . .
it’s going to get worse before it gets better on EVERY level.
I’m sorry if you don’t like my blog. Really. I’m sorry we are hungry too. But it’s just the way it is right now. To my kids – I love you with my whole heart. THAT will never change no matter what this situation brings. I’m not thinking of a cheap, tiny rental to go too. I’m thinking where can I live off the land and forage and raise my own food and bypass the things this government has caused and can’t fix. I’m thinking survival. It really is on that level for right now.
discomfort . . . yep. Knowing about what the unemployed experience causes discomfort. I say we have no choice but to shout about it. Cause the change – If we go down, we drag the system with us. Somehow, that’s fitting.