Reading over old blogs, I was looking at notes about relationships; specifically mine and Steve’s. This time of our change – what else can I call it? – has been very hard on us. I still love him so much and I know he loves me, but the effort we put into our relationship is different. It is so affected by the economy, by unemployment, by change, by self-employment, by need. I am so hungry for touch and attention and he fills his time shifting things, reading, trivia, sports. It’s so hard right now, and my pending menopause is not helping, and his physical changes are not helping.

Aging and surviving are hard bedfellows. No one ever said a word to prepare me for this.

Our 13th married year (18 yrs as a couple) is fast approaching. I miss the frequent sex, but we have always been lopsided in our desire. He has but to touch me and I want him. I touch him, and he moves away. He needs space. It’s not me and I know that, but it’s still hard. He has always pulled away. It’s how he’s wired. He stays up so late that intimacy is dead on arrival. To him, doing things for me (dishes, laundry, yard work) is an expression of his love. For me, it’s touch and physical closeness. I need skin contact for bonding.  Maybe it’s a woman thing.

I am a morning person, 100%.

He is a night owl, 100%.

He doesn’t start moving till 5pm. My day is winding down by 4.

I have to stop taking this personally.



About Morning Knits

I believe in and practice positive living. I love YARN, music, bird watching, history, gemstones, and gardening. I am passionate about the Earth. I am a true homebody. I've said I was Pagan for years to separate myself from a churchy upbringing and judgmental family that left me outside of its bounds. I believe it's our responsibility to tend and protect the Earth. I basically do my thing in a quiet, amused way. I believe in the power of my own hands, the energy of combined prayer, and caring for the earth. I attend a Kingdom focused non denominational Christian Church. I have 6 kids, all home-born and successfully breastfed. The oldest 5 are grown. The youngest is attending Community College and living at home. I'm the oldest of 9, daughter of a missionary mother who lives in Kenya, married to the son of a preacher, with 4 spoiled dogs and and a rescued kitten. Right now, there is small balance after yrs of unemployment. My disability was approved due to degenerative discs, fibromyalgia, and obesity. That last is hard to say. I believe we owe it to ourselves to protect our mental health. It's precious and the one thing we can control. I dislike my own housework and I talk too much. I bought a house in North Carolina and after trying to get my husband here for 6 months, he had a stroke. I'm a two-time caregiver. Steve's got hemiparesis and depression and is learning to walk and trying to use his right side again. It's slow go.
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