shake it off

As much as I want to say we are not buying gifts, I still found myself having a stupid crying jag over another special day I can’t afford to get my kid a present. How many birthdays? How many holidays? Christmas last year was his French cd’s from Heather, and a book from Susan. School clothes come from Melissa. I am so thankful…but my kid is a kid even at 16. He wants 2 books. Two study books – I’m taking my change jar and cashing it in for him. That should be just enough. It’s my own fault. I rode with a neighbor to the gas station and got her $15 in gas today so she could get to her mom’s – her husband had hit her in the face again and she had her car packed and no gas money. Sometimes I wonder if the gods send people like that to me because I have promised to always pay my debts forward. I don’t know, but they come to me, and I can’t bear to turn anyone away. So afterwards, when looking at the newly formed wish list on my Amazon account, I started crying. It wasn’t there 2 days ago. G just figured out the books last night I guess. Ah well, that’s my kid. Not much on the want list and as last minute as his mama.

I got all the pages faxed to BOA, again today. If they deny this restructure, we can ask them to reopen the case and claim that the circumstances have changed because of my new part-time job. Small blessings. If nothing else, it’s a delay tactic.

Food stamps and medicaid were renewed through June.

2 friends are sending me some work clothes. Bless them.

Things are on the UP. I don’t know why I am so moody today. I need to just talk to G and explain that our gifts have to wait till the utilities are caught up. He will be disappointed, but he’ll understand. I couldn’t justify buying stamps to send cards when I couldn’t get his books. Sara’s birthday is the 18th and nothing for her either. I’d planned necklaces for her and her dolls for christmas, but her birthday…I’m stumped. If I can come up with something, I’ll try to get it to Kaiha to take to her. 🙂

And then there’s Kayla – Isaac is causing her quite a lot of trouble. His terrible 2’s are running her ragged and her body is not recovered enough for the stress she places on herself. She locked herself in the bathroom to keep from going off on him. I wish I could help her. I know I’ve certainly been where she is.

Anyway…I’m better enough. Shake it off and roll on.


About Morning Knits

I believe in and practice positive living. I love YARN, music, bird watching, history, gemstones, and gardening. I am passionate about the Earth. I am a true homebody. I said I was Pagan for years to separate myself from a churchy upbringing and judgmental family but I'm not. Funny how things come full circle. I believe it's our responsibility to tend and protect the Earth. I basically do my thing in a quiet, amused way. I believe in the power of my own hands, the energy of combined prayer, and caring for the earth. I attend a Kingdom-focused non-denominational Christian Church. I have 6 kids, all home-born and successfully breastfed. They are all grown. I'm the oldest of 9, daughter of a missionary mother who lives in Kenya, married to the son of a preacher, with 4 spoiled dogs and a rescued cat. Right now, there is small balance after yrs of unemployment. My disability was approved due to degenerative discs, fibromyalgia, and obesity. That last is hard to say. I believe we owe it to ourselves to protect our mental health. It's precious and the one thing we can control. I dislike my own housework and I talk too much. I bought a house in North Carolina and after trying to get my husband here for 6 months, he had a stroke. I'm a two-time caregiver. Steve's got hemiparesis and depression and is learning to walk and trying to use his right side again. It's slow-go.
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3 Responses to shake it off

  1. And then some lady with kid in tow accosted Steve at Walmart soliciting for money to keep her extended stay hotel over night till they could catch the bus…he only had $2. He gave it to her, then came home and was angry as all get out. Sigh…who to believe.

  2. bicky says:

    itll be ok, honey. you two are giving souls, dont decry it. you dont mind sharing because you know the blessings you have. i once was just like that wife you helped, and your post made me cry, the lady who helped me leave is now dead and gone, but i still hold her in my heart, even 20 years later. the crying jag, i think it was in the weather yesterday. i found myself doing it too. post your link to your amazon list here so others can contribute, mine will be late but i have something for Geoffrey. if i could have fit it in the box with your clothes i would have. im planning a bigger box all for him, but it will not be mailed until, you guessed it, the 21st.
    the goddess is providing, on her own timeline, lovey. maybe we have to wait, to appreciate. (which coincidentally, is what im telling connie while she *dies* from being grounded from her electronics)

  3. Sweetie there are people who need more than we need. I know it and you know it. I told G I’d get his books as soon as I can and he was ok about it. He said as long as he knows he’s getting them. I have the best kid and the very best friends. And Steve said next time he’s hit up with a sad story, he’s tell them ours. lol

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