here it is

christmas eve… not a gift in sight, Steve is laying in bed ‘hurting.’ Even when I take all pressure off – no gathering at our house, no gifts, no celebration – he’s too bad off to shave, see the grandbaby in from across the country. Even when it’s on neutral ground. The only thing we asked was to go for a drive and see the lights tonight. Who knows? It’s still early right?

Tomorrow we will go to his brother’s house. V can bring the baby there. If she doesn’t, he’ll be justified in all the years he didn’t go for my kids. Then Wednesday, I’ll go alone to see all my girls together for a few hours while he sits at home NEEDING the Jimmy (he’s already put it out there) there won’t be a lot of daylight so I should hurry. Then I work Thursday. And V leaves Friday. Well, she should have thought how limited things would be before she moved to San Fran.

And he says it’s all me – he never fucks with my holidays. At least that’s what I imagine he’d say if he ever spoke about it. I guess he’s not thinking about anything except how he worked so hard that he’s in terrible pain.


About Morning Knits

I believe in and practice positive living. I love YARN, music, bird watching, history, gemstones, and gardening. I am passionate about the Earth. I am a true homebody. I've said I was Pagan for years to separate myself from a churchy upbringing and judgmental family that left me outside of its bounds. I believe it's our responsibility to tend and protect the Earth. I basically do my thing in a quiet, amused way. I believe in the power of my own hands, the energy of combined prayer, and caring for the earth. I attend a Kingdom focused non denominational Christian Church. I have 6 kids, all home-born and successfully breastfed. The oldest 5 are grown. The youngest is attending Community College and living at home. I'm the oldest of 9, daughter of a missionary mother who lives in Kenya, married to the son of a preacher, with 4 spoiled dogs and and a rescued kitten. Right now, there is small balance after yrs of unemployment. My disability was approved due to degenerative discs, fibromyalgia, and obesity. That last is hard to say. I believe we owe it to ourselves to protect our mental health. It's precious and the one thing we can control. I dislike my own housework and I talk too much. I bought a house in North Carolina and after trying to get my husband here for 6 months, he had a stroke. I'm a two-time caregiver. Steve's got hemiparesis and depression and is learning to walk and trying to use his right side again. It's slow go.
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4 Responses to here it is

  1. bicky says:

    lovey. sometimes i read what you write and i want to shake that man. i love you, i am so jealous that you get to see your grandbabies…

  2. He finally drug himself out of bed. I just let it go and stayed concerned and loving. We got there at 7:30 instead of 6:00. It was too foggy to see lights. Haskell wouldn’t let me hold him, but when the tickle bug came and got him, he giggled and laughed and had lots of smiles for Granny Amber! Haskell and Lily were both dressed in Santa suits! Even being late, it was fun. I think V is going to come get G and take him to Les Miserables. He got excited about going to a movie for the first time EVER. With Steve, I have to let go of expectations. It’s the only way things work.

  3. bicky says:

    i got to hold Declan sunday, he seems so tiny! his wee head is full of hair, and i see more of Kay than Nick in him. this was also the first time kent met nick. Isaac had just woken up from a nap and stayed on nicks lap once i stole Declan from Nicks arms (the second i walked in!) poor thing, Declan had a terribly gassy stomach… when i put him face down on my forearm, his tummy was just rumbling. a few pats, a man sized burp, and small spit up later and he was quite chummy. i cant wait to fill my tank up again and go spend a whole day playing with him!

  4. Kayla says he has dark hair like his daddy but I snickered because it’s ME with the dark hair! lol He seems so calm. I want to touch him so badly. I remember the first time I met Nick. He’s so tiny. I remember thinking what little people they are. That makes Kayla so mad! It was an odd day. No gifts at our house, but we had a nice day. It’s supposed to storm tonight and tomorrow the girls and I are going get our nails done! I’ve never had my nails done, ever. V’s treat. She’s also treating us to Les Mes before she goes home on Monday. I think I’m going to bed early tonight. My shoulders are giving me fits. I hope you had a wonderful Christmas.

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