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I broke down and asked Kay if she could loan me $50 for 2 days and immediately regretted it. She doesn’t need my stress. I was so sorry to put my need out there. I cried. I didn’t mean to but I’ve hit that point where they are coming and all the Prozac in the world isn’t going to stop them. I apologized to her and got off the phone. I’d called V first and just left a message, said I love you and left it at that. I told Steve I’m out of answers. I suggested maybe he could pawn some of the stereo equipment he has and I started crying again.

We went to Kroger to spend a bit of our food stamp money for bread and sugar and I bought hot dogs and beans because I’m exhausted. I made G go so we could cash out his $50 bond he’s had for years. That’s our last household stash of any kind. We couldn’t get it done. We have to go to a main branch to do it. G has to have ID – He has a passport and birth certificate. It’s just a mess because of how Linda bought it. Oh well. I never intended to cash it anyway.

Vanessa called me a little while later and as we talked, she of course offered to help. She put 158$ in my account, covering my bounced charge, and giving me $100. Bless her heart. In a blink she rescued me again.

I wish I could stand this. I feel so low to take money from my child. I told her I’d put a check in the mail and send it so she’d have it right back but she said no.

So we have our water paid, Steve’s fine paid, and money for gas. I still want to just curl up in a ball and cry.

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About Green Jean Granny

I believe in and practice positive living with a bit of a barb it seems. I love YARN, music, reading, history, and gemstones. I am passionate about the Earth. I am a true homebody. I've said I was Pagan for years to separate myself from a churchy upbringing and judgmental family that left me outside of its beliefs. I believe it's our responsibility to tend and protect the Earth. I basically do my thing in a (not so) quiet, amused way. I believe in the power of my own hands, the energy of combined prayer, and caring for the earth. I attend a nondenominational Christian Church. I have 6 kids, all home-born and successfully breastfed. The oldest 5 are grown. The youngest is attending Community College and living at home. I'm the oldest of 9, daughter of a missionary mother who lives in The Republic of Congo, married to the son of a preacher, with 3 spoiled dogs and and an add on (my daughter's pit bull lives here for a bit while she hikes the Appalachian Trail. Right now, there is small balance after yrs of unemployment. My disability was approved due to degenerative disc disease and fibromyalgia. I believe we owe it to ourselves to protect our mental health. It's precious and the one thing we can control. I dislike my own housework and I talk too much. I bought a house in North Carolina and after trying to get my husband here for 6 months, he had a stroke. I'm a two-time caregiver. Steve's got hemiparesis and diabetes and is learning to walk and trying to use his right side again. It's slow going. Our 10 kitties were rehomed by rescue after his stroke.
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