I planted another avocado seed –
Called Steve’s meds into Walmart.
Scheduled my mammogram.
Today I spent a few hours with Kaiha and we had an excellent talk. She’s back in AA and seems to be in a good place. She treated for brunch. If Steve says I’m enabling her again because I’m not on her case, i’m going to tell him to shut up!
I have to figure out how to afford a phone line for me. Kayla says Nick’s not going to keep us on their plan anymore. That hurts. I need my number at least until the disability is determined. Sometimes I feel ripped and I know all of this so stress induced.
Sometimes I’m in such pain and the minute Steve leaves the house, it goes away. How unfair to blame him – when it’s how I react to things that really equals the stress. It’s just hard. the things I want in life are not what he wants. He doesn’t say what he wants. It scares me to think of being alone at a time when my body is breaking down, but maybe I wouldn’t be breaking down if I weren’t mentally alone. I tired of the comments about how our sex is over – He didn’t even say let’s talk or he has a need, of let me say I have a need. he just jumped to a conclusion. It’s alway about the sex and I’m left hanging alone out on the old emotional ledge.
I could scream.