part 2, 4-14-13

I planted another avocado seed –

Called Steve’s meds into Walmart.

Scheduled my mammogram.

Today I spent a few hours with Kaiha and we had an excellent talk. She’s back in AA and seems to be in a good place. She treated for brunch. If Steve says I’m enabling her again because I’m not on her case, i’m going to tell him to shut up!

I have to figure out how to afford a phone line for me. Kayla says Nick’s not going to keep us on their plan anymore. That hurts. I need my number at least until the disability is determined. Sometimes I feel ripped and I know all of this so stress induced.

Sometimes I’m in such pain and the minute Steve leaves the house, it goes away. How unfair to blame him – when it’s how I react to things that really equals the stress. It’s just hard. the things I want in life are not what he wants. He doesn’t say what he wants. It scares me to think of being alone at a time when my body is breaking down, but maybe I wouldn’t be breaking down if I weren’t mentally alone. I tired of the comments about how our sex is over – He didn’t even say let’s talk or he has a need, of let me say I have a need. he just jumped to a conclusion. It’s alway about the sex and I’m left hanging alone out on the old emotional ledge.

I could scream.


About Morning Knits

I believe in and practice positive living. I love YARN, music, bird watching, history, gemstones, and gardening. I am passionate about the Earth. I am a true homebody. I've said I was Pagan for years to separate myself from a churchy upbringing and judgmental family that left me outside of its bounds. I believe it's our responsibility to tend and protect the Earth. I basically do my thing in a quiet, amused way. I believe in the power of my own hands, the energy of combined prayer, and caring for the earth. I attend a Kingdom focused non denominational Christian Church. I have 6 kids, all home-born and successfully breastfed. The oldest 5 are grown. The youngest is attending Community College and living at home. I'm the oldest of 9, daughter of a missionary mother who lives in Kenya, married to the son of a preacher, with 4 spoiled dogs and and a rescued kitten. Right now, there is small balance after yrs of unemployment. My disability was approved due to degenerative discs, fibromyalgia, and obesity. That last is hard to say. I believe we owe it to ourselves to protect our mental health. It's precious and the one thing we can control. I dislike my own housework and I talk too much. I bought a house in North Carolina and after trying to get my husband here for 6 months, he had a stroke. I'm a two-time caregiver. Steve's got hemiparesis and depression and is learning to walk and trying to use his right side again. It's slow go.
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