part 2, 4-14-13

I planted another avocado seed –

Called Steve’s meds into Walmart.

Scheduled my mammogram.

Today I spent a few hours with Kaiha and we had an excellent talk. She’s back in AA and seems to be in a good place. She treated for brunch. If Steve says I’m enabling her again because I’m not on her case, i’m going to tell him to shut up!

I have to figure out how to afford a phone line for me. Kayla says Nick’s not going to keep us on their plan anymore. That hurts. I need my number at least until the disability is determined. Sometimes I feel ripped and I know all of this so stress induced.

Sometimes I’m in such pain and the minute Steve leaves the house, it goes away. How unfair to blame him – when it’s how I react to things that really equals the stress. It’s just hard. the things I want in life are not what he wants. He doesn’t say what he wants. It scares me to think of being alone at a time when my body is breaking down, but maybe I wouldn’t be breaking down if I weren’t mentally alone. I tired of the comments about how our sex is over – He didn’t even say let’s talk or he has a need, of let me say I have a need. he just jumped to a conclusion. It’s alway about the sex and I’m left hanging alone out on the old emotional ledge.

I could scream.

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About Green Jean Granny

I believe in and practice positive living with a bit of a barb it seems. I love YARN, music, reading, history, and gemstones. I am passionate about the Earth. I am a true homebody. I've said I was Pagan for years to separate myself from a churchy upbringing and judgmental family that left me outside of its beliefs. I believe it's our responsibility to tend and protect the Earth. I basically do my thing in a (not so) quiet, amused way. I believe in the power of my own hands, the energy of combined prayer, and caring for the earth. I attend a nondenominational Christian Church. I have 6 kids, all home-born and successfully breastfed. The oldest 5 are grown. The youngest is attending Community College and living at home. I'm the oldest of 9, daughter of a missionary mother who lives in The Republic of Congo, married to the son of a preacher, with 3 spoiled dogs and and an add on (my daughter's pit bull lives here for a bit while she hikes the Appalachian Trail. Right now, there is small balance after yrs of unemployment. My disability was approved due to degenerative disc disease and fibromyalgia. I believe we owe it to ourselves to protect our mental health. It's precious and the one thing we can control. I dislike my own housework and I talk too much. I bought a house in North Carolina and after trying to get my husband here for 6 months, he had a stroke. I'm a two-time caregiver. Steve's got hemiparesis and diabetes and is learning to walk and trying to use his right side again. It's slow going. Our 10 kitties were rehomed by rescue after his stroke.
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