I was left hanging for hours expecting Steve to be home after trivia. He can’t break away. I’m not going with him. It’s not too much effort pain wise, it’s too much effort emotionally because he won’t ever take me home when it’s over. He has to be the last to leave and he blames every wrong answer on me. I am angry at him. When he comes home, he complaines about everybody and how he hates it but he won’t ever say no and he goes every night he’s not working at Don’s. He talked all morning about it and I tried to tell him again – and ended up yelled at AGAIN. He goes on about not wanting to upset Hoss because he’ll be dead in a year or two. I told him Steve Hoss doesn’t care about that. Why does HE care about Hoss’s future when he won’t even discuss ours with me? Again, I got yelled at. I don’t not go because of the Fibro, I don’t go because of him, because I don’t choose to ride in silence and pretend everything is fine. I don’t want to hear the gossip about the trivia people. I am angry that they keep my husband away. I am sick of being blamed and yelled at and ignored. A forced kiss that I don’t want doesn’t fix things when the rest of the time I am nothing.
One of these days, his yelling at me is NOT going to shut me up.