05/30/2013

Everything has settled down. Steve and I aren’t splitting up. The world’s still turning. mama’s still alive. The kids are all ok. G’s out on his summer break.

The House payment was lowered to $376.96 and will become a permanent modification if we can make the payments for 3 months in a row. Steve is excited. I wasn’t… Negative Nellie as my friend Jody is want to say, lifted her head. It’s still $400 on top of $400 we don’t have for utilities, Unless he gets a job – there isn’t going to be any difference because we have no money to live on. The truck has blown 2 tires in the past month. We are riding on a donut tire now and can’t find a used tire anyplace. It will take us another week to be able to buy a new tire. Steve thinks he can take from his pension money and buy the tire – but he won’t hear that the pension money is 100% tapped and he can’t use it. I have to protect our only bank account. I have to. Everything coming out is an automatic payment – insurance, taxes, credit card, Fax service, MS Office program for G, Netflix, Life Insurance, phone too now… We hit the month at a deficit and that makes a difference. I wish he’d listen without getting so mad and acting like I change things from month to month. I could wipe out about $45 – still not enough for a new tire.

Sometimes I wish I knew what to do – shut up, make him happy – let him have the checking account – then I know I can’t… It’s in my name and I don’t dare. He can open his own and have his pension moved to it – fine by me – move his tax bill and utilities there too – I’ll cancel the little bills. Put my 2 checks in each month and be fine. That damned Dell credit card kills me – but it is what it is. Anyway. I’m tired of worrying about it.

The garden is looking good. I want to go check the seeds I planted. They were old, so I hope something comes up.

I’m finishing a hat today. I’ll start a knitted toy. I think I’ll make another cat too.

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About Green Jean Granny

I believe in and practice positive living with a bit of a barb it seems. I love YARN, music, reading, history, and gemstones. I am passionate about the Earth. I am a true homebody. I've said I was Pagan for years to separate myself from a churchy upbringing and judgmental family that left me outside of its beliefs. I believe it's our responsibility to tend and protect the Earth. I basically do my thing in a (not so) quiet, amused way. I believe in the power of my own hands, the energy of combined prayer, and caring for the earth. I attend a nondenominational Christian Church. I have 6 kids, all home-born and successfully breastfed. The oldest 5 are grown. The youngest is attending Community College and living at home. I'm the oldest of 9, daughter of a missionary mother who lives in The Republic of Congo, married to the son of a preacher, with 3 spoiled dogs and and an add on (my daughter's pit bull lives here for a bit while she hikes the Appalachian Trail. Right now, there is small balance after yrs of unemployment. My disability was approved due to degenerative disc disease and fibromyalgia. I believe we owe it to ourselves to protect our mental health. It's precious and the one thing we can control. I dislike my own housework and I talk too much. I bought a house in North Carolina and after trying to get my husband here for 6 months, he had a stroke. I'm a two-time caregiver. Steve's got hemiparesis and diabetes and is learning to walk and trying to use his right side again. It's slow going. Our 10 kitties were rehomed by rescue after his stroke.
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