Everything has settled down. Steve and I aren’t splitting up. The world’s still turning. mama’s still alive. The kids are all ok. G’s out on his summer break.

The House payment was lowered to $376.96 and will become a permanent modification if we can make the payments for 3 months in a row. Steve is excited. I wasn’t… Negative Nellie as my friend Jody is want to say, lifted her head. It’s still $400 on top of $400 we don’t have for utilities, Unless he gets a job – there isn’t going to be any difference because we have no money to live on. The truck has blown 2 tires in the past month. We are riding on a donut tire now and can’t find a used tire anyplace. It will take us another week to be able to buy a new tire. Steve thinks he can take from his pension money and buy the tire – but he won’t hear that the pension money is 100% tapped and he can’t use it. I have to protect our only bank account. I have to. Everything coming out is an automatic payment – insurance, taxes, credit card, Fax service, MS Office program for G, Netflix, Life Insurance, phone too now… We hit the month at a deficit and that makes a difference. I wish he’d listen without getting so mad and acting like I change things from month to month. I could wipe out about $45 – still not enough for a new tire.

Sometimes I wish I knew what to do – shut up, make him happy – let him have the checking account – then I know I can’t… It’s in my name and I don’t dare. He can open his own and have his pension moved to it – fine by me – move his tax bill and utilities there too – I’ll cancel the little bills. Put my 2 checks in each month and be fine. That damned Dell credit card kills me – but it is what it is. Anyway. I’m tired of worrying about it.

The garden is looking good. I want to go check the seeds I planted. They were old, so I hope something comes up.

I’m finishing a hat today. I’ll start a knitted toy. I think I’ll make another cat too.


About Morning Knits

I believe in and practice positive living. I love YARN, music, bird watching, history, gemstones, and gardening. I am passionate about the Earth. I am a true homebody. I've said I was Pagan for years to separate myself from a churchy upbringing and judgmental family that left me outside of its bounds. I believe it's our responsibility to tend and protect the Earth. I basically do my thing in a quiet, amused way. I believe in the power of my own hands, the energy of combined prayer, and caring for the earth. I attend a Kingdom focused non denominational Christian Church. I have 6 kids, all home-born and successfully breastfed. The oldest 5 are grown. The youngest is attending Community College and living at home. I'm the oldest of 9, daughter of a missionary mother who lives in Kenya, married to the son of a preacher, with 4 spoiled dogs and and a rescued kitten. Right now, there is small balance after yrs of unemployment. My disability was approved due to degenerative discs, fibromyalgia, and obesity. That last is hard to say. I believe we owe it to ourselves to protect our mental health. It's precious and the one thing we can control. I dislike my own housework and I talk too much. I bought a house in North Carolina and after trying to get my husband here for 6 months, he had a stroke. I'm a two-time caregiver. Steve's got hemiparesis and depression and is learning to walk and trying to use his right side again. It's slow go.
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