I can remember Knitday

The month is slipping by fast. Here’s another holiday, and birthday coming that we won’t be keeping.

The new dog is a wonderful fella, but we can’t keep him because we can’t feed him. I hate it. Steve really, really likes him. Already he’s not having accidents in the house. He taps the bells with his nose to go out. He understands so many commands. I have never worked with such a smart dog – bar none. I’m sure he’s lab and something. I love his coloring. he uses his mouth like hands. He crosses his front feet and relaxes. It’s so cute. He is fearful of small rooms. You can’t pull him into a bathroom to save your life. I don’t blame him. Jackie is getting better around him, but his fear level is BIG. He hasn’t gotten over being attacked. We need to let Rory go – we may not be able to. There is only one way he can stay.

Steve has to go get a job this week – he says he’s going to throw those damned Reach papers. I can roll them, I can’t throw them or ride with him. No movement in that direction yet. He hasn’t paid on his fine (he could be arrested). Utility bills are due NOW with cut off dates of the 21st. Nothing is paid. Food is thin. Last night we had 4 freezer burned empanadas that Steve fried. He opened a can of tomatoes, added garlic salt and diced jalapenos to make salsa. We had 1 tsp sour cream on the plates, and he heated all the tiny bits of bagged vegetables left in open bags – a bit of cauliflower and broccoli, spinach, lima beans – mixed together. We had about 2/3 cup each. G had 2 empanadas, no veges, and a bowl of cereal with the last of the milk. 5 more days to go. We have cheese, eggs, flour, instant milk, cream of wheat, oats – beans, rice. We won’t like everything particularly, but we have food. Dinner last night was surprisingly yummy. I think I’ll make chicken soup tonight and I bet no one complains. We can do pancakes, biscuits and gravy and yes, it’s depression gravy but at least it’s something… I can do cooked cabbage from the garden and there is kale galore.

I’m worried about the utilities and the house payment. They came through with a modified mortgage for us and it’s 376.96 a month everything included. We can’t live anyplace for less than that. Steve has to pull this one out his ass. If he doesn’t, I decided we are leaving. I don’t know how to stick to that, but my car takes $300 to repair and we need a small used trailer with appliances. I will have to talk to all my kids about helping me somehow. They have always said they will help with a final solution – after this month, we have to prove stuff for our food stamps and Medicaid to continue. If they don’t, for whatever reason, meds and food could stop and that would be awful. I can’t even think about it. I will gather all the receipts I can and see if it’s enough. I have until the 21st to do THAT, too. Everything comes due at once – always.

Other than that, what is going on? Enjoying my knitting, my kids, my animals, my grands, my garden. We’re pretty housebound. Can’t afford gas money. We have $2.36 to our names. Um, yeah (as Taryn would say) that’s about it. Are we ok? I don’t know…are we? I guess we are. Oh except for G’s toe. Still infected after a round of antibiotics.
Jackie just came downstairs, walked past Rory, greeted me (yay! huge step!) trotted across the room and asked to go out. First time he’s barked to come back in too. Now he’s eaten, and CHOSEN to come lay at my feet even though Rory is on the other side of me! This is awesome. Just a tiny bit of excess spit too. Really awesome! I know, I’m too focused on the dogs, but damn, my life is pretty simple. Not much else to focus on… bird watching, meditation, waiting for disability determination, and Dr Who. Boring shit. I thought today was Saturday, sue me. Another Knitday.


About Morning Knits

I believe in and practice positive living. I love YARN, music, bird watching, history, gemstones, and gardening. I am passionate about the Earth. I am a true homebody. I said I was Pagan for years to separate myself from a churchy upbringing and judgmental family but I'm not. Funny how things come full circle. I believe it's our responsibility to tend and protect the Earth. I basically do my thing in a quiet, amused way. I believe in the power of my own hands, the energy of combined prayer, and caring for the earth. I attend a Kingdom-focused non-denominational Christian Church. I have 6 kids, all home-born and successfully breastfed. They are all grown. I'm the oldest of 9, daughter of a missionary mother who lives in Kenya, married to the son of a preacher, with 4 spoiled dogs and a rescued cat. Right now, there is small balance after yrs of unemployment. My disability was approved due to degenerative discs, fibromyalgia, and obesity. That last is hard to say. I believe we owe it to ourselves to protect our mental health. It's precious and the one thing we can control. I dislike my own housework and I talk too much. I bought a house in North Carolina and after trying to get my husband here for 6 months, he had a stroke. I'm a two-time caregiver. Steve's got hemiparesis and depression and is learning to walk and trying to use his right side again. It's slow-go.
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