When it rains it pours. Things are going to come crashing down on Steve very soon. He’s acted like he can just sit here and do nothing for so long. I know we haven’t had any money, and the tire went flat, then the starter failed. The old ticket he’s been trying to make payments on has called it all due and says if he doesn’t pay it by the 29th, he’ll be arrested. I swear i wish I knew what to do for him, but I didn’t choose to take money from my daughter who he hates, who is newly pregnant, when he has a brother with over a million dollers. I’ll let V help me move, but not funnel money into this household when Steve doesn’t care enough to funnel it in. I feel like a broken record. For a long time I let this go because there really weren’t jobs out there. I know I looked and looked and the last job I had was with the dentist and even that was under the table and sporadic and at the Dr’s whim. If BOA speeds things up, we could be out right away. If not, we had a 3 month trial period for the home modification but the second payment for that is due on the first. The electric and gas are delayed to the 28th. I’m kind of holding my breath as to what I should do.
I was going back through some old writings and remembering how I felt like I was complaining back when I posted about the shed and the crap he moved into the living room. How when I tried to move things out to get rid of, he’d move it back in, or put it into the shed, or into the trunk of a car. I used to keep the deck so pretty and he’d pile that shed junk out under the porch and it killed my want to. He said he had to waterproof the deck, moved my plants into the yard, they died from the heat, he didn’t complete his project, and I couldn’t replace my plants. I’ve felt like he took over everthing I cared about and took it from me. if he didn’t take it over, he complained how he didn’t like it. Sometimes it would be a year or two later when it suprised me from out of nowhere and made me cry. He didn’t really say no in the moment, but I stopped caring about things because fighting him took too much out of me especially after I started getting sick. I probably would have given up a long time ago except for Jackie and Geoffrey. The grandbabies started coming and there was my knitting. I keep myself busy with these things and they center me. I’ve enjoyed Rory so much. His antics and Jackie’s getting used to him make me laugh. Steve spends his days upstairs so he doesn’t bother me too much. I don’t go to trivia anymore. We watch a little tv together. I can miss us if I let myself think about it. We could have had a really good life.
oh, Sam has cut back on our cleaning to once a month.