It’s been quite a day. Steve worked on the cars and chores until 3 this afternoon. He finally took off with 2 car titles. I told him to call me and let me know what happened. He called about 4:30 and said he’d talked to Don and borrowed 240$ for his ticket. He paid $50 on it, and put the rest into my account and le me know we had enough to pay one payment without doing the title pawn and he didn’t talk to Don about the house because it’s not his business. It’s ok to take 274$ from Vanessa in the month and use it for the starter, utilities, and part of the house payment and leave my account at $7. I feel like I’ve turned all the stress inward and have struggled with heart palps all afternoon. I know it’s the stress. I’m also dealing with hot flashes and just started taking evening primrose and black cohosh. People say they help. I sure as hell hope so. He Took tape and glue back to Walmart and was ticked off because I made him buy toilet paper. I swear I am not giving up toilet paper.

At what point do you say enough is enough? How long do you hold on? How fucking bitchy do I dare get? He’s going to Don’s tomorrow to work. I’m sure he’ll work 3 times for free to pay him back. He’ll try to use his pension to buy gas and I am going to throw a fit because that money is tabbed for auto payments he’s made me set up. He is not going to ruin my account. It can’t escape his attention that I am sorting out my stuff. I need to talk to V.

We were headed toward the bank and Tommy, our orange cat hadn’t gotten off the Jimmy. We’d driven a good 500 feet when we heard thud, thud, thud, and Steve started yelling Goddammit, over and over and swerved off the road, jumped out and started running back, looking and calling. We couldn’t find him. I drove back and told Steve we still had to get that payment made before the bank closed. He was all distraught, and as always, it’s all displaced and out of proportion. We got home and the cat was fine, which is what I figured since he jumped.

We drove in silence and when we got to the bank, it was closed. I just turned around without a word and went back to the truck. What was there to say? He wore his shirt inside out. The dog shit in the hall. I still don’t know what to do. He’s telling me about America’s got Talent and listening to the ball game.

I guess I’m going to hang in here as long as possible, box and sort my things and pare them down and get ready. For some reason, I think things are going to bottom out really quickly. If I can’t rent the truck I need, People I know come back and forth between here and VA all the time. I’ll either rent a storage, or take Taryn up on storing stuff in her extra room and moving it up a load at a time. I’ve got a lot of memories to just leave them if I don’t have to. We’ll see what happens. Maybe the disability will come through and I’ll have all the money I need to make a move. That’s what I’m hoping for. If it doesn’t work out, the girls can have what they want.

Also, 3 more cats have been dumped here. I swear I’m going to ignore them. Steve’s cussing and feeding them.

He’s got tomorrow to get that payment made. If making it electronically will be fast enough.


About Morning Knits

I believe in and practice positive living. I love YARN, music, bird watching, history, gemstones, and gardening. I am passionate about the Earth. I am a true homebody. I've said I was Pagan for years to separate myself from a churchy upbringing and judgmental family that left me outside of its bounds. I believe it's our responsibility to tend and protect the Earth. I basically do my thing in a quiet, amused way. I believe in the power of my own hands, the energy of combined prayer, and caring for the earth. I attend a Kingdom focused non denominational Christian Church. I have 6 kids, all home-born and successfully breastfed. The oldest 5 are grown. The youngest is attending Community College and living at home. I'm the oldest of 9, daughter of a missionary mother who lives in Kenya, married to the son of a preacher, with 4 spoiled dogs and and a rescued kitten. Right now, there is small balance after yrs of unemployment. My disability was approved due to degenerative discs, fibromyalgia, and obesity. That last is hard to say. I believe we owe it to ourselves to protect our mental health. It's precious and the one thing we can control. I dislike my own housework and I talk too much. I bought a house in North Carolina and after trying to get my husband here for 6 months, he had a stroke. I'm a two-time caregiver. Steve's got hemiparesis and depression and is learning to walk and trying to use his right side again. It's slow go.
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3 Responses to 7/30

  1. bicky says:

    i cant wait til you escape that hell. really. love you.

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