and so it goes…

Sometimes things stay constant. Like my kids. Like my outlook. Like life in general… I was told I could see Isaac and Declan because kayla is mature enough to handle her feelings about me. Well, I thought about it and decided that’s not good enough. I love her and those babies so much it hurts like crazy not to have contact with them and to only be thrown a crumb is degrading. If I accept this on these terms, I accept her using them to control me and keep me quiet and biting my tongue for the rest of my life. So guess what. I am not going to see them on these terms. If I do, they will just learn to disrespect me too and that is no kind of relationship. I will not live the rest of my life being cursed and ‘blocked’ and controled through anger. I am so sorry my precious little grandsons are in the middle. I love them so much and if Kayla calls or emails to arrange for her and me to get together for them, of course I will go – but I will not go where they are, to be ignored by their mother and father – that is not something I can do. I know myself and I will cry and I won’t be able to keep myself pulled together. So I won’t do that to them or me. I will not give anyone permission to make me feel less than I am. NOT EVEN MY OWN DAUGHTER.

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About Morning Knits

I believe in and practice positive living. I love YARN, music, bird watching, history, gemstones, and gardening. I am passionate about the Earth. I am a true homebody. I've said I was Pagan for years to separate myself from a churchy upbringing and judgmental family that left me outside of its bounds. I believe it's our responsibility to tend and protect the Earth. I basically do my thing in a quiet, amused way. I believe in the power of my own hands, the energy of combined prayer, and caring for the earth. I attend a Kingdom focused non denominational Christian Church. I have 6 kids, all home-born and successfully breastfed. The oldest 5 are grown. The youngest is attending Community College and living at home. I'm the oldest of 9, daughter of a missionary mother who lives in Kenya, married to the son of a preacher, with 4 spoiled dogs and and a rescued kitten. Right now, there is small balance after yrs of unemployment. My disability was approved due to degenerative discs, fibromyalgia, and obesity. That last is hard to say. I believe we owe it to ourselves to protect our mental health. It's precious and the one thing we can control. I dislike my own housework and I talk too much. I bought a house in North Carolina and after trying to get my husband here for 6 months, he had a stroke. I'm a two-time caregiver. Steve's got hemiparesis and depression and is learning to walk and trying to use his right side again. It's slow go.
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