Sometimes things stay constant. Like my kids. Like my outlook. Like life in general… I was told I could see Isaac and Declan because kayla is mature enough to handle her feelings about me. Well, I thought about it and decided that’s not good enough. I love her and those babies so much it hurts like crazy not to have contact with them and to only be thrown a crumb is degrading. If I accept this on these terms, I accept her using them to control me and keep me quiet and biting my tongue for the rest of my life. So guess what. I am not going to see them on these terms. If I do, they will just learn to disrespect me too and that is no kind of relationship. I will not live the rest of my life being cursed and ‘blocked’ and controled through anger. I am so sorry my precious little grandsons are in the middle. I love them so much and if Kayla calls or emails to arrange for her and me to get together for them, of course I will go – but I will not go where they are, to be ignored by their mother and father – that is not something I can do. I know myself and I will cry and I won’t be able to keep myself pulled together. So I won’t do that to them or me. I will not give anyone permission to make me feel less than I am. NOT EVEN MY OWN DAUGHTER.