and so it goes…

Sometimes things stay constant. Like my kids. Like my outlook. Like life in general… I was told I could see Isaac and Declan because kayla is mature enough to handle her feelings about me. Well, I thought about it and decided that’s not good enough. I love her and those babies so much it hurts like crazy not to have contact with them and to only be thrown a crumb is degrading. If I accept this on these terms, I accept her using them to control me and keep me quiet and biting my tongue for the rest of my life. So guess what. I am not going to see them on these terms. If I do, they will just learn to disrespect me too and that is no kind of relationship. I will not live the rest of my life being cursed and ‘blocked’ and controled through anger. I am so sorry my precious little grandsons are in the middle. I love them so much and if Kayla calls or emails to arrange for her and me to get together for them, of course I will go – but I will not go where they are, to be ignored by their mother and father – that is not something I can do. I know myself and I will cry and I won’t be able to keep myself pulled together. So I won’t do that to them or me. I will not give anyone permission to make me feel less than I am. NOT EVEN MY OWN DAUGHTER.

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About Green Jean Granny

I believe in and practice positive living with a bit of a barb it seems. I love YARN, music, reading, history, and gemstones. I am passionate about the Earth. I am a true homebody. I've said I was Pagan for years to separate myself from a churchy upbringing and judgmental family that left me outside of its beliefs. I believe it's our responsibility to tend and protect the Earth. I basically do my thing in a (not so) quiet, amused way. I believe in the power of my own hands, the energy of combined prayer, and caring for the earth. I attend a nondenominational Christian Church. I have 6 kids, all home-born and successfully breastfed. The oldest 5 are grown. The youngest is attending Community College and living at home. I'm the oldest of 9, daughter of a missionary mother who lives in The Republic of Congo, married to the son of a preacher, with 3 spoiled dogs and and an add on (my daughter's pit bull lives here for a bit while she hikes the Appalachian Trail. Right now, there is small balance after yrs of unemployment. My disability was approved due to degenerative disc disease and fibromyalgia. I believe we owe it to ourselves to protect our mental health. It's precious and the one thing we can control. I dislike my own housework and I talk too much. I bought a house in North Carolina and after trying to get my husband here for 6 months, he had a stroke. I'm a two-time caregiver. Steve's got hemiparesis and diabetes and is learning to walk and trying to use his right side again. It's slow going. Our 10 kitties were rehomed by rescue after his stroke.
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