Sometimes things stay constant. Like my kids. Like my outlook. Like life in general… I was told I could see Isaac and Declan because kayla is mature enough to handle her feelings about me. Well, I thought about it and decided that’s not good enough. I love her and those babies so much it hurts like crazy not to have contact with them and to only be thrown a crumb is degrading. If I accept this on these terms, I accept her using them to control me and keep me quiet and biting my tongue for the rest of my life. So guess what. I am not going to see them on these terms. If I do, they will just learn to disrespect me too and that is no kind of relationship. I will not live the rest of my life being cursed and ‘blocked’ and controled through anger. I am so sorry my precious little grandsons are in the middle. I love them so much and if Kayla calls or emails to arrange for her and me to get together for them, of course I will go – but I will not go where they are, to be ignored by their mother and father – that is not something I can do. I know myself and I will cry and I won’t be able to keep myself pulled together. So I won’t do that to them or me. I will not give anyone permission to make me feel less than I am. NOT EVEN MY OWN DAUGHTER.
Change
It's cold outside
And yet I'm drawn Into the moon's pure light
I raise my hands; entreating.
Where is your voice grandmother?
My questions tumble together.
I am WOMAN.
What is normal?
What changes should I expect?
When?
Who can I go to?
What should I do?
How do I change?
Why must I be the example
when there is none for me?
Shhhh . . .
Quiet . . .
Stand in the light . . .
Wait . . .
And it comes to me.
WOMAN
Mother
Questioner
Be still.
Hear the answers.
Life is change.
We do what must be done.
We sing.
We dance.
We cry.
We love.
We live.
WE are the grandmothers.
