She had her first chemo treatment on Monday and is still wiped from it. She sounded tired and strained. She was explaining the pain she’s in and how it doesn’t go away. I told her how I have chronic pain from the fibromyalgia and how I assign colors to stuff that hurts me. Sometimes the painting I make each day is full of pink because my pain is pink. My relationship with kay is blue. The one with Steve is pale orange, etc. Everyday is framed in pink and I imagine the painting unfold as the day progresses. It’s how I keep my mind on the color of my life instead of the pain itself. I don’t know if it helped, but she understood me. I felt so sad for her. Her little one is severely ADHD and waiting on her strains Jay. Everything is inside and to look at her, she looks fine. She just has no strength and her pain overwhelms her. She thinks no one understands and that she should be able to MAKE herself fight through it, but she doesn’t. The thought itself sets her up to fail each day and I don’t want to see her do that to herself. She is glad this is her and not her child…I hope she can find the beauty in herself to live each day in bigger love and to embrace her journey – I want her to win more time, not give in to her cancer. I want to hold my baby sister.
I sent Jay an uplifting note and sent Andee a note today.
Steve is trying to get work. He’s never had to knock on doors before. This time there is no one else to turn to.
I’m working on a dragon hat, to make sure I can do it – then I am going to sell one on my Etsy shop. The lady I got the pattern from sells them for 100$ each.