So today I got blamed for not letting anyone know that cared about Kansas, that his parole could be coming up. All they asked me was whether I’d let him live with me, and I said no. They wouldn’t even let me know where he was. AND, everything I left behind was donated. I have no right to feel anything about anything.

I live with this extreme weight because I can’t please anyone. I am going to have a huge cry and release my children to the Goddess. I cannot keep my heart exposed to the two of them. May She protect the innocent babies. I am done with this.

But it hurts like hell. I didn’t choose to give up my children and my grandbabies. I didn’t choose to go leave my things forever. I chose to undo leaving my husband and thought I could go back for my things. I thought my daughter loved me. Yeah, there are consequences. I just didn’t expect this.

My oldest wrote me a note to tell me how sorry she was and that I didn’t deserve this. It means more than she will ever know.


About Morning Knits

I believe in and practice positive living. I love YARN, music, bird watching, history, gemstones, and gardening. I am passionate about the Earth. I am a true homebody. I've said I was Pagan for years to separate myself from a churchy upbringing and judgmental family that left me outside of its bounds. I believe it's our responsibility to tend and protect the Earth. I basically do my thing in a quiet, amused way. I believe in the power of my own hands, the energy of combined prayer, and caring for the earth. I attend a Kingdom focused non denominational Christian Church. I have 6 kids, all home-born and successfully breastfed. The oldest 5 are grown. The youngest is attending Community College and living at home. I'm the oldest of 9, daughter of a missionary mother who lives in Kenya, married to the son of a preacher, with 4 spoiled dogs and and a rescued kitten. Right now, there is small balance after yrs of unemployment. My disability was approved due to degenerative discs, fibromyalgia, and obesity. That last is hard to say. I believe we owe it to ourselves to protect our mental health. It's precious and the one thing we can control. I dislike my own housework and I talk too much. I bought a house in North Carolina and after trying to get my husband here for 6 months, he had a stroke. I'm a two-time caregiver. Steve's got hemiparesis and depression and is learning to walk and trying to use his right side again. It's slow go.
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