nothing much

So I’ve been alone for quite a while now except for the people across the street. Sometimes I think I will go insane. Even though I can discuss it, I can’t go to church. It’s just not me.

G has informed me he has a girlfriend and he animates when he talks about her. She’s a young lady who has a damaged mother. <cringe> and who’s life goals include becoming a missionary and living in Colorado. I tried to explain to him that while right now she may not object to his being a non-believer, when it comes right down to it, a christian will choose their God over their boyfriend. They have to because that’s what the Bible says. He doesn’t hear me and I stopped talking about it. I told him he has to know the Bible to have informed conversation with this girl. Otherwise, he takes her word for things and can’t have his own thoughts. So that is where we are right now. I had the no sexting conversation (her 18th bd is in Sept) and he’s shown me her picture and I know her name and some of what her mother is doing. He’s also calling her things like honey and darling in his texts (which he tried to scroll away from me seeing). She’s Mexican descent and he has no idea what denomination she is. She’s in Texas and a Junior in Hi-school. I figure Spanish will be the next language he learns and her being in Texas provides the best protection. Is this still considered child-rearing? It sure feels like it. I remember when I needed direction, but wasn’t really interested in anyone who set him/herself up as a teacher on a pagan site or in any religious.way. How many times have I said we all work out our own path/magic/salvation… and we are responsible for whatever we embrace. He certainly picked up THAT belief.  It’s a pretty simple fact and he gets it. I can offer what I know to another person if they ask, but anything more is too much. It was a fine thing to move past having to explain oneself. G’s explaining but that’s not as big as the rescue factor she’s tapped into with him. As I watch, I’m a little relieved it’s her mom’s choices at issue and he can encourage M with her school work and keeping her grades good.

I’m always thankful for my friends online. I often feel ‘like’ minds converging for lack of a better word 🙂 and our magick moving in the same direction. Magick is a BIG word. I think it might be the biggest word I know. We all are so fluid in our lives – changes happen constantly. Right now, I have the opportunity to focus on myself. I’m settled in and setting my routine. I’m thinking about my magick and how to manifest the rest of my circumstances coming together. I need my husband here. I have to DO something to help. It can’t be a ‘paid’ job – So something else… I charged water and crystals last night – between now and the Equinox, I’ll have a better handle on it. He is working again and I can’t even hint that he waited too long to reclaim his job. It’s past. I’m not there. He’s struggling, and he doesn’t want anything but support from me. I get it. He NOW thinks we should have waited, fixed that house up, then bought another house. That’s not what we chose either, so staying in the present is very important to both of us.

Anyway…that’s what’s up with me right now. Things are going ok. G’s school plan is college in January. Steve plans to be here by the end of September. And I hope to have enough yarn soon too make a shawl. Goals are good, right? ❤


About Morning Knits

I believe in and practice positive living. I love YARN, music, bird watching, history, gemstones, and gardening. I am passionate about the Earth. I am a true homebody. I've said I was Pagan for years to separate myself from a churchy upbringing and judgmental family that left me outside of its bounds. I believe it's our responsibility to tend and protect the Earth. I basically do my thing in a quiet, amused way. I believe in the power of my own hands, the energy of combined prayer, and caring for the earth. I attend a Kingdom focused non denominational Christian Church. I have 6 kids, all home-born and successfully breastfed. The oldest 5 are grown. The youngest is attending Community College and living at home. I'm the oldest of 9, daughter of a missionary mother who lives in Kenya, married to the son of a preacher, with 4 spoiled dogs and and a rescued kitten. Right now, there is small balance after yrs of unemployment. My disability was approved due to degenerative discs, fibromyalgia, and obesity. That last is hard to say. I believe we owe it to ourselves to protect our mental health. It's precious and the one thing we can control. I dislike my own housework and I talk too much. I bought a house in North Carolina and after trying to get my husband here for 6 months, he had a stroke. I'm a two-time caregiver. Steve's got hemiparesis and depression and is learning to walk and trying to use his right side again. It's slow go.
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One Response to nothing much

  1. Rae says:

    Staying in the present can be a very difficult goal. One of mine at this time too. *hugs*

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