Hubby is coming Sunday night and leaving on Wednesday morning. I had to talk to his boss so there was enough notice given. He’s bitching a hundred miles a minute. I am so afraid he will back out on the trip and claim lack of funds. Of course there is lack of funds! When you are 5 months back on house payments and have a title loan on a broke down truck, and have to rent a car, OF COURSE there is lack of funds and the 3 days off work will hurt BAD. But things have come together for the trip to happen. He is complaining how he can’t lay the seats down to bring the cats. He’ll miss them too bad. I’ve forgotten what’s left behind besides my guitar, sweaters, christmas ornaments and picture remnants and can’t even make a list of what I want him to bring. My herb books are with him, some yarn, I could use the axe and my gardening tools – the lawn mower…but bringing those things in a car aren’t feasible. So guitar, ornaments and winter clothes. If he doesn’t make the sacrifice and come, I’m not going to hold my breath anymore. I will cry a lot – a WHOLE lot, but it’s his lack of drive – I am going to short me and G half our grocery money for December to give him gas money. I want to be EXCITED! Happy! and instead, I feel like I’m the only one excited because he is angry, complaining, and depressed and couldn’t even talk to me on Thanksgiving through his attitude. That hurt. I’m sorry he had to work too late to have a dinner with his brother. I’m sorry they eat at noon. I’m sorry he was so tired. But nothing has changed. He’s always thrown newspapers and that job has fucked up every holiday, EVERY holiday and EVERY plan we ever made for 24 yrs. Where was the surprise? He could have asked them to keep a plate on hold for him and run over this morning to get it and given hugs before going home. It’s what I would have done if a TG plate was important…but I’m not Steve. I’d have said fuck that house and left it and begged and borrowed to get here with people who love and want me. If you think you are begging anyway, get it over with and DO something! So here I am, projecting based on his attitude. Please GOD, prove me wrong this time! Put a fire under him and make him come!