and again, he’s coming

I’m impatient. I want him here with me and he’s busy loving me and trying to make me happy by fitting in all that he can into the car. He’s been delayed by packing my things into the car and I am screaming internally that they are THINGS and all I want is him.

He’s finally said the words that he’s moving forward with culling his belongings and he knows he’s going to have to let the house go. He is in too deep a hole to climb out of by himself. He said it’s a shame because it should have been more income for us as a rental or getting it sold, but he’s not seeing it happen and that’s had him hurting. I think that’s why I liked that meme I found “Don’t make a home in your pain.” We have a house, we have an income, we need to move forward.

And I need him on the road because I am a jealous wife. I am jealous of his sleep, his time spent on anything besides me right now. What a bitch I am in my head – I have made up my mind to love him in the very best way I can while he is here with me – I want him to KNOW beyond doubt that he is missed and needed and longed for, and necessary to our lives. We are suspended in time waiting for him and no one is living – not him, or me, while we are apart. I need my other half.

Broken record much?


About Green Jean Granny

I believe in and practice positive living with a bit of a barb it seems. I love YARN, music, reading, history, and gemstones. I am passionate about the Earth. I am a true homebody. I've said I was Pagan for years to separate myself from a churchy upbringing and judgmental family that left me outside of its beliefs. I believe it's our responsibility to tend and protect the Earth. I basically do my thing in a (not so) quiet, amused way. I believe in the power of my own hands, the energy of combined prayer, and caring for the earth. I attend a nondenominational Christian Church. I have 6 kids, all home-born and successfully breastfed. The oldest 5 are grown. The youngest is attending Community College and living at home. I'm the oldest of 9, daughter of a missionary mother who lives in The Republic of Congo, married to the son of a preacher, with 3 spoiled dogs and and an add on (my daughter's pit bull lives here for a bit while she hikes the Appalachian Trail. Right now, there is small balance after yrs of unemployment. My disability was approved due to degenerative disc disease and fibromyalgia. I believe we owe it to ourselves to protect our mental health. It's precious and the one thing we can control. I dislike my own housework and I talk too much. I bought a house in North Carolina and after trying to get my husband here for 6 months, he had a stroke. I'm a two-time caregiver. Steve's got hemiparesis and diabetes and is learning to walk and trying to use his right side again. It's slow going. Our 10 kitties were rehomed by rescue after his stroke.
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