I got up this morning thinking about how I worry that I’m not doing things right. It seems to weigh on me so often. I’ve always lived in fear that I’m not good enough. Good enough to be loved, to be helped, to be accepted as a parent, to be a grandparent. I mess up so often and it’s so unintentional, it’s just ME – I am flawed. It’s this core thing about me – this flaw. Maybe everyone feels it about themselves. For me the worst thing is feeling I’m not good enough to be loved. By anyone but especially by God.
Once, I came to understand that God is anything we need Him/Her to be in our time of crisis. The most important thing is that we turn to God in whatever way we pray and ask for help. People get so hung up on what we call God/Gods. As someone who identifies with a Cherokee Path, I’ve thought of the male form of God as Creator/The All. Why do we argue about God? When I read the Bible, and I do – I read “Moses said to God, “Suppose I go to the Israelites and say to them, ‘The God of your fathers has sent me to you,’ and they ask me, ‘What is his name?’ Then what shall I tell them?” God said to Moses, “I am who I am . This is what you are to say to the Israelites: ‘I AM has sent me to you.’ ” —- that doesn’t nullify what their view of God is.
The times of the KJ Bible were Patriarchal. All societies have been. The argument about God’s gender is moot by the very way it’s translated – God created man in his own image, in the image of God created he him; male and female created he them. God is both male and female at the same time. I believe that to call to a Divine Feminine meets the same requirements as calling to a Divine Masculine. It’s the parental name Father/Mother of our culture that is stressed. THAT parental love is the whole point. Can we say a Father’s love is greater than a Mother’s love or vise-versa? Parents LOVE their children and the idea of a parent who loves me with the capabilities of both a mother and a father has presented itself to me just NOW. I’ve been denied both in my life. I’ve been hurt by both and rejected by both and it’s a hard thing to look at again – but it seems like it’s necessary to who I am to develop into. My mother closed the door on me because she can only see the Maleness in the name of God and I argued for both. In 20 yrs, my opinion hasn’t changed. What has changed is my belief in God and my need for God’s acceptance.
Buying this house has put me in a physical place where my needs opened me up to letting go of years of anger. No one can help me big enough, except for God. I have cried to I AM/THE ALL/ My CREATOR for help and help has come. We aren’t there yet. But things are continually improving. Kindness and friends have stepped into the holes in the fabric of my life and in the name of LOVE, the holes have been filled. Food, beds, money, bird seed, clothes line, heat…Netflix. All given in love and accepted in love with visions of giving back and paying the love forward. Miracles do happen. I have the most amazing people in my life and I am THANK-FULL.
I can’t control how others think or feel in their own aspects of living, but if I could just say this in a way that’s clear enough – Ask your God for help. Don’t wait for a crisis. I have this image of God crying for us because we hurt and the only thing tying His hands is our refusal to ask; and we don’t care. God feels pain when his children hurt. He wants to help and everything in the Universe is at his disposal to help us WITH. If I, in my tinyness, would give everything I have to stop the pain of this situation, how much more would/could God give? The same situation applies to my son. He’s depressed and he’s screwed up his life, and there is no help big enough for him except God. He doesn’t believe in God. I pray that he will gently come into the understanding that changing his mind will make all the difference.
Things don’t get better until we SAY they are getting better. By saying it, we give the Universe/God the power to act on our behalf. We manifest the good stuff and it builds on itself. Even when things a miserably hard, we have to hold fast to the good words. Fake it till you make it really applies – stay in the flow – associate with the right thoughts.
And I am reminded, it takes TIME for each of us to come to this place of understanding. As adults, are we less because we need help? Or less because we ASK for it? I think when we join ourselves with a Body/group who LOVE, accepting their imperfections as well, we are MORE because we are acting TOGETHER. Together, there is strength and things can move.
And that’s my morning thinks.