I have really been watching over Steve’s water intake. Last night though, the heat got to him. He’d gone into the bathroom and gotten upset. When I got to him, he was crying and barely audible, babbling. he seriously lost his words. It scared the heck out of me. I took his face in my hands and tried to get him to control himself. He couldn’t. He was halfway to the bed and I thought he was going to fall as well. I was trying to listen to him, but no words were forming and I thought he was having another stroke. I told him I was calling the hospital and he went nuts slamming his walker and going nonononono. He found his words enough to say “no hospital – hot.” I helped him get his shirt off and sit on the bed – brought every fan into the bedroom and got him more water. He refused a shower, but started to calm down. I was really afraid and realized I’d lied to him. I am not near ready to let him die just because he says he’s ready. He finally asked to eat and afterwards, we went into the bedroom and he asked me to read to him. His control slowly returned and his words, and it took a good while for me to gather my internal composure. I turned the lights out at 11. He laid on the bed and exercised for about 2 hours.
I didn’t sleep much. I have this list of things that keeps going through my mind. I really wish I’d of pinned the doctors down and MADE them show me the pictures they took of his brain hemorrhage.