June 27, 2016

I have really been watching over Steve’s water intake. Last night though, the heat got to him. He’d gone into the bathroom and gotten upset. When I got to him, he was crying and barely audible, babbling. he seriously lost his words. It scared the heck out of me. I took his face in my hands and tried to get him to control himself. He couldn’t. He was halfway to the bed and I thought he was going to fall as well. I was trying to listen to him, but no words were forming and I thought he was having another stroke. I told him I was calling the hospital and he went nuts slamming his walker and going nonononono. He found his words enough to say “no hospital – hot.” I helped him get his shirt off and sit on the bed – brought every fan into the bedroom and got him more water. He refused a shower, but started to calm down. I was really afraid and realized I’d lied to him. I am not near ready to let him die just because he says he’s ready. He finally asked to eat and afterwards, we went into the bedroom and he asked me to read to him. His control slowly returned and his words, and it took a good while for me to gather my internal composure. I turned the lights out at 11. He laid on the bed and exercised for about 2 hours.
I didn’t sleep much. I have this list of things that keeps going through my mind. I really wish I’d of pinned the doctors down and MADE them show me the pictures they took of his brain hemorrhage.
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About Morning Knits

I believe in and practice positive living. I love YARN, music, bird watching, history, gemstones, and gardening. I am passionate about the Earth. I am a true homebody. I've said I was Pagan for years to separate myself from a churchy upbringing and judgmental family that left me outside of its bounds. I believe it's our responsibility to tend and protect the Earth. I basically do my thing in a quiet, amused way. I believe in the power of my own hands, the energy of combined prayer, and caring for the earth. I attend a Kingdom focused non denominational Christian Church. I have 6 kids, all home-born and successfully breastfed. The oldest 5 are grown. The youngest is attending Community College and living at home. I'm the oldest of 9, daughter of a missionary mother who lives in Kenya, married to the son of a preacher, with 4 spoiled dogs and and a rescued kitten. Right now, there is small balance after yrs of unemployment. My disability was approved due to degenerative discs, fibromyalgia, and obesity. That last is hard to say. I believe we owe it to ourselves to protect our mental health. It's precious and the one thing we can control. I dislike my own housework and I talk too much. I bought a house in North Carolina and after trying to get my husband here for 6 months, he had a stroke. I'm a two-time caregiver. Steve's got hemiparesis and depression and is learning to walk and trying to use his right side again. It's slow go.
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