​My husband: so close to being better but the mind has developed an irrational blip. Screaming out in anger, slamming the cane, working out how I am responsible for things gone wrong since my infancy in ways that can never be forgiven. His mind is able to remember everything he has ever experienced and he forgives nothing and no one. He is the smartest man in the world and he is leaving me. Convinced he can go back to his old house and fix it and sell it with no money, no job, he can’t drive, the house is ransacked and empty and moving through foreclosure. HE is going back. The man I fell in love with was kind and generous and is gone. He didn’t die. He may even recover from his stroke. I can’t understand because I didn’t have it. My heart isn’t broken today…it crumbled 8 months ago. I want him to go. I’ve had enough too. God forgive me. I’ve had enough.

Doctor’s appointment is on Tuesday. Without the stress of me and my grown kids who don’t deserve to live, he will probably decide he doesn’t need his medicine.


About Morning Knits

I believe in and practice positive living. I love YARN, music, bird watching, history, gemstones, and gardening. I am passionate about the Earth. I am a true homebody. I said I was Pagan for years to separate myself from a churchy upbringing and judgmental family but I'm not. Funny how things come full circle. I believe it's our responsibility to tend and protect the Earth. I basically do my thing in a quiet, amused way. I believe in the power of my own hands, the energy of combined prayer, and caring for the earth. I attend a Kingdom-focused non-denominational Christian Church. I have 6 kids, all home-born and successfully breastfed. They are all grown. I'm the oldest of 9, daughter of a missionary mother who lives in Kenya, married to the son of a preacher, with 4 spoiled dogs and a rescued cat. Right now, there is small balance after yrs of unemployment. My disability was approved due to degenerative discs, fibromyalgia, and obesity. That last is hard to say. I believe we owe it to ourselves to protect our mental health. It's precious and the one thing we can control. I dislike my own housework and I talk too much. I bought a house in North Carolina and after trying to get my husband here for 6 months, he had a stroke. I'm a two-time caregiver. Steve's got hemiparesis and depression and is learning to walk and trying to use his right side again. It's slow-go.
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