Steve was in the kitchen and I thought he was making a sandwich (after feeding half of his dinner to the dogs). I tried to talk to him about saving what he doesn’t feel like eating for later, instead of giving it to them and he started crying again. He’s so clear most of the time but I can’t forget he’s damaged, ever, and that makes it so hard.

He wants to be in charge of spending money because I run out at the end of the month – but he’s got one goal. Get away from Rocky Mount. It’s so frustrating. Like a broken record. Our house is paid for. I had to pay to have the yard done this month and I’m out of money. I have nothing – not even for bread until one of the checks comes at the beginning of June. He acts like I’m telling him he’s doing something wrong and really I’m not. I’m asking him to be aware of it and help me make things last. It has nothing to do with selling this house!!!

2:30 in the morning and this is what I’m awake over. I could shake something! I just want some sleep.

Back to bed at 3:30. Up at 7.

I hope I’m strong enough to handle all the blessings in my life. The ones that call for my attention in the early morning, are the BEST, but hardest to embrace. My patience, love and compassion are intact. Praise God for EVERYTHING that builds my character and faith. Praise Him for prayers answered in times of anguish and during all the days of my life. Praise Him even when I can’t see the road ahead through my stupid tears. What I want is what You know to be best God.

That inner voice kicks in with “want in one hand, spit in the other and see which gets full the fastest.

I am 3 dollars away from stopping a bounced check – Amazon Prime has sent a thank you for your payment letter. 3 days early.


About Green Jean Granny

I believe in and practice positive living with a bit of a barb it seems. I love YARN, music, reading, history, and gemstones. I am passionate about the Earth. I am a true homebody. I've said I was Pagan for years to separate myself from a churchy upbringing and judgmental family that left me outside of its beliefs. I believe it's our responsibility to tend and protect the Earth. I basically do my thing in a (not so) quiet, amused way. I believe in the power of my own hands, the energy of combined prayer, and caring for the earth. I attend a nondenominational Christian Church. I have 6 kids, all home-born and successfully breastfed. The oldest 5 are grown. The youngest is attending Community College and living at home. I'm the oldest of 9, daughter of a missionary mother who lives in The Republic of Congo, married to the son of a preacher, with 3 spoiled dogs and and an add on (my daughter's pit bull lives here for a bit while she hikes the Appalachian Trail. Right now, there is small balance after yrs of unemployment. My disability was approved due to degenerative disc disease and fibromyalgia. I believe we owe it to ourselves to protect our mental health. It's precious and the one thing we can control. I dislike my own housework and I talk too much. I bought a house in North Carolina and after trying to get my husband here for 6 months, he had a stroke. I'm a two-time caregiver. Steve's got hemiparesis and diabetes and is learning to walk and trying to use his right side again. It's slow going. Our 10 kitties were rehomed by rescue after his stroke.
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