You can find me online on Facebook – here
at Blogger as http://morningraindesigns.blogspot.com a mirror of this site except no pages so it’s not my favorite place.
and on All Poetry http://allpoetry.com/poets/Morning%20Rain
I am a yapper and I love people so much. I love life. I love being Cherokee, and English and Irish… I am proud of who I have become and the example I set everyday for my children and those around me.
Every moment of my life I am so very grateful for breathing, for sanity, for healing, for my children, my husband, for my hands…
I was an abused child who came from generations of abuse. I never knew anyone poorer than we were. My mother was mentally ill. She made some horrible choices that in turn hurt us kids to the very cores of our beings. I certainly can elaborate, but that is not exactly where I want this story to go.
As my siblings and I survived our childhood, I loved knowing we were Indian. I didn’t know there was a difference in ‘kinds’ of Indian, only that I was one. We were shunned by other people because we were so odd. I spent my days escaping into the outdoors as often as I could. I read every book I could get my hands on about dogs and horses, and indians and rodeos…anything to do with the outside, and animals. I tried to blend in with nature because the real inside world hurt extremely bad.
At 18, I married an abusive man. In ignorance, I bore him 5 children. There are many kinds of abuse and I suffered emotionally to the point of deciding to kill myself. I was abusing my children, they were abusing each other. We were so very sick. I decided one day the best way to escape was to drive my car into a tree. I never told a soul what I was going to do when I left my house that day. I was crying ‘help me’ and tears were blinding me. I was so lost and so alone. All of a sudden the sun came out and caught the wisteria in the most stunning way you can imagine. I pulled my car off the road sat there for hours, It came to me in my grand mother’s voice that I could not do this. and I decided that no one was going to steal my life. And I began to make the changes that were necessary to save myself.
It has been a long hard path to come to the place where I am whole and healthy and happy…I left my children, and we have found our way back to each other’s hearts, and the anger is leaving them because they are coming to know that I did what I did through love. They can see my example.
Every day of my life, I choose to believe in my Creator. I choose to believe my grandmother is still with me and will protect me. I hear her voice inside of me and I know the wisdom that I am blessed with because I am her grand daughter. I know the blessings of watching my little boy who is diagnosed with Asperger’s Syndrome mainstream in the regular ed classroom. I know the blessings of a child who shares my belief in Creator. I know the blessings of loving a good husband who returns everything I give him 100 fold. I know the blessings of understanding why there is pain in my life. I know the blessing of reaching out to my children and feeling them warm in response. I live my life in prayer to the Creator who spared me and opened my mind to the ways of peace. I thank him with my whole heart. Is this the RED ROAD? I don’t know. My grandmother told me to walk the white road of peace. She said when you loose your path, take off your shoes…feel the earth. She told me to guard the contents of my mind. She told me to start each day by thanking our Creator. She told me to live my life as a prayer. All these things she has said to me. She died many years ago and still she tells me and I know she loves me.
My life is one of the greatest success stories I know. I see it as my duty to share these things so others may heal. Every day is not perfect. There is pain, there are concerns. Times are often hard. So what? I am alive! Each day is a new beginning. I will begin it and live it to the best of my ability.
Most of you know me from other lists. I am here to listen or talk. Sometimes I may not respond to the list as often as I’d like. I do not make excuses. In truth I am a lady with a very full plate… but I gather my prayers by your requests… I burn my candles and cedar for each hurt you put forth into words… I do not forget. I dance for your joys and I pray for your pain. I live in a very different world from my grandmother’s. I pray a different prayer. The intent is the same. Today I am a grandmother, and I thank God for what I have to give to my darling grandchildren. I have an example and words for them just like my grandmother gave to me.
And this is the path I walk and my understanding. My mother named me Amber — jewel. It is Nvyaosani in Cherokee. I am honored to carry that name and the name of Morning Rain. I am anigatogewi of the Tsalagi – it was given to me as bear clan. Life is such a precious gift.